I hear you Zach. I have been at many of the same crossroads. Where I found a way out of my depression was to change my definition of success. My definition came from Earl Nightingale many years ago. It is, “progressively realizing a worthy ideal.” Check out his 1955 speech on You tube entitled “The Greatest Secret.”
I also stopped comparing myself to anyone. That was a recipe for disaster for me!
You keep writing, I’ll keep reading!