So reading what you have written here explains your vulnerability, passion, and fear. Reading what you wrote here suggested several possibilities for engagement or escape. I was actually able to follow the disappointment of returning home knowing at least the frog in your pot of boiling water knows how to jump.
I am not offering advice here, I am offering you a mirror in which to see the gift you are! An old mentor of mine once listened to my struggles of not enjoying the job I had been in for some time. As I look back on this event now I wonder how the heck he ever listened to me babble and dribble for so long.
After a long period of silence, he said to me, “I think what you need is the Book of Positive Aspects.” I said, “okay, where do I get it?” “At the bookstore, the library or online?” I continued. He said, “no, no, you don’t buy it, you write it!”
Our words have power! What we say to ourselves and how we say it has power. The perspective we use to survey the landscapes of our lives has power. The interesting part of all of this is…you already know this deep inside. I’m not telling you anything new here and if this lands on you like psycho-babble please accept my apology. It is not my desire nor is it in my power to fix anything. My boldness comes from the knowledge that you already possess all that you need to be, do or have all that you desire.
My encouragement is to enjoy the ride. Taste the shit sandwiches if you like or choose to change your diet. Frankly, I really enjoyed your writing! I am not the first, nor will I be the last to speak that to you. AND, my assumption is you are probably a superb dancer.
Thank you for listening! Thank you for writing! Thank you for being who you are and if nothing in your life ever changes, please know there is one human being on the planet who believes you are enough…just the way you are!
May your next story be written on the beach in Perth or from your full studio in Tokyo!