What does it say about someone’s life when they tell time with a calendar and not a clock? This is a new day! And so is every other day, yet my calendar says it’s time for a new perspective on time — not so much about what time it is, but what am I doing with the time I have left? My watch won’t tell me, but my calendar will!
I would love to say that this is the first time I have started anew. Alas, it is not! There seems to be something very different about this new life adventure and that is that all of the pieces that were missing in the last two do-overs are beginning to fall into place. There is a synchronicity that is enveloping my life that I hadn’t experienced before, including all facets of my being; my work, my relationships, my community and how all of the puzzle pieces are coming together and, at just the right time.
I retired from my day job in October of 2017 knowing that I would one day have to return to work. I had some ideas about what I wanted to do and I had been making inroads to the training and skill development that I would need to successfully perform at a level that would be satisfactory to me, but two years ago, things weren’t quite in alignment.
My 2nd marriage was failing primarily because I wasn’t responsible. More accurately, I was unable to respond to the conflict in my life in a healthy way for me or my wife. As a result, I was emotionally unable to face the changes that I needed to make the transition into retirement and into what I believed was the right path for me.
Again, I had been working unsuccessfully, consciously and unconsciously for several years to find the right mix of emotional competency that would allow me to proceed with courage and confidence into the new day that I intrinsically knew was coming. I had always been a hard worker in everything I attempted to do, including my relationships. As I look back, my heart wasn’t fully invested because I always knew there was something else I needed to achieve before I could be free enough to offer another human what they needed. I am grateful to my now ex-wife for showing me that side of myself.
Part of the new transformation was being more honest with myself, being more willing to accept “what is,” acknowledging my role in it and taking responsibility for it (being able to respond to the present in a healthy way) and to have the courage to pick up the pieces and start over.
To sum up what is different about this transformation is this:
- Accepting responsibility for my life. Honestly looking in the mirror with new eyes and working toward staying with the emotions, whatever they were, long enough to realize how they influenced and impacted me and those around me. This is still a work in progress, as I believe it is for every being on the planet.
- Not blaming or shaming myself or anyone else, just honestly assessing where I am and how I got here. It was about realizing that this hasn’t happened overnight and the complexity of elements that led to my current situation is interwoven with that of all the decision and relationships along the way. Was it a tangled web? Yes. Was it permanent? Only if I believed it to be.
- And now, what am I prepared to do to change my life? The choice is mine and the decisions I make going forward are the only factors in my success.
- And that leads me to my final point for this article. The decisions I make are and always have been based on one point of reference. My Perspective or attitude. It might seem like a little aspect of life and one I judge I have often disregarded, but listen to what Maya Angelou says about attitude and change:
“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.” — Maya Angelou
I didn’t like what I was seeing in myself or in my life. I tried to change it and I couldn’t. So, I’m changing how I feel about it! Let’s rock ‘n roll!
Peace be with you, my friends!