Wow, Kerstin,
Talk about being vulnerable. I couldn't resonate with all of the circumstances, but with every highlight I was saying to myself, YES, I remember doing that or feeling that, or knowing that , and deciding that the only way through the bulls@#t of my life was facing it head on. Day after day, moment after moment, I wrote affirmations that helped me overcome my stuckness and I worked at developing new habits where there once was only misery. NO MORE I said!
I'm still doing it now and it sounds like you are too! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!